


I should infinitely prefer a book...

by historien_vil_huske_oss



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Fake Dating, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24009682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/historien_vil_huske_oss/pseuds/historien_vil_huske_oss
Summary: Eliott doesn't really believe in love.  But when he meets Lucas, these beliefs could change whether he wants them to or notor, a bookstore au
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 12
Kudos: 100





	I should infinitely prefer a book...

**Author's Note:**

> title is from a pride and prejudice quote
> 
> I apologize in advance for any formatting errors.  
> this is the first full work that I've written and the first time I've posted anything nearly this long and in-depth, please be kind! <3

Eliott doesn’t believe in love. He used to, but as people got to know him, they started to leave. His parents love him. They love him unconditionally. But the other people in his life that were supposed to love him - his friends, his past girlfriends - they all left him. They didn’t think that he was capable of love, but oh, how they were wrong. He loved so much stronger than any of them.

He decided that he would turn to books to help him escape from the reality of his life. He wanted to feel as if he belonged in the world. He wanted to try to feel love, for anyone, even if they are just stories. There’s a small bookstore a couple blocks away from his apartment. He spends most of his time there, when he’s not working on his art project for school. He finds any books he can read to help him feel something, anything, related to love. Anything except romance. The romance novels just remind him of what he couldn’t have. There’s _too much_ love. He wants to be able to find love where people would least expect it.

*****

It’s a normal Thursday afternoon. Eliott doesn’t have any classes, and he finished his shift an hour ago. He works as a teacher’s assistant to one of his art professors. They let him help the incoming freshman, and in his downtime, he’s able to work on his projects or do any other needed work for his professor. He was able to finish up his most recent project at work, so he walks over to the bookstore to find something new to read. 

He opens the door and breathes in the smell of the old books. He smiles, feeling their comfort. He notices someone new standing behind the counter, but he keeps moving through the store, headed straight for the back of the store. That’s where they keep the art books. Sometimes, he likes to look through those books for inspiration, or he’ll use them to remind him of his passions. They seem to especially help him when he’s feeling like a depressive episode might be approaching. He tries to stay on top of the episodes and know when they’re coming, but they can sneak up on him.

Once he finds the section, he begins browsing the books, somehow finding many new books that he hadn’t seen the day before. He picks up a couple of books that he thinks he’ll like, and he heads up to the register to pay. The new boy from before is still standing there, and he’s now reading something while waiting for customers. Eliott walks up to the counter and sets his books down to let the boy know he’s there. He looks up and smiles at Eliott, and Eliott returns the smile.

“Did you find everything you were looking for?” 

“I did, thank you.” Eliott glances down at the boys shirt and sees a nametag with the name _Lucas_ printed on it. _Lucas. I like that. It fits him._

“Do you always pick out art books?” Lucas asks as he scans the barcodes of each of the books, a smile still visible on his face.

“Not always. Sometimes I’ll pick up a sci-fi or a mystery or a historical book, and I’ll even go for the occasional poetry. I pick up a little bit of everything, aside from romance.” 

Lucas’ smile seems to falter, but only momentarily. His confusion, though, is written all over his face. “Not romance? You’d pick up a fairytale book over a romance book? Oh, it’s going to be $35.49.”

Eliott pulls out his cash and hands Lucas a couple of $20 bills. “Yeah, I don’t really believe in love. I don’t feel like reading an entire novel about someone finding their soulmate in the most cliche places.” He gives a small smile as his change is given back to him. “I want it to feel more real.”

Lucas looks at him, more curious than confused. “I see. Well, maybe I’ll have to find a way to change your mind.”

“We’ll see. I need to go for now, but I’ll be in tomorrow. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see you.”

  
Eliott walks out the door, feeling a little lighter than he did before. He likes talking to people, it’s just rare for him to find someone whose company he enjoyed. He walks a little slower back to his apartment that afternoon.

*****

Friday is Eliott’s day off. He has a couple of morning classes, but he’s done by noon. He decides to stop by the cafe on his way back to his apartment to pick up something quick for lunch. Once he picks up his food, he walks over to the bookstore. He’s not sure he wants to buy something. Sometimes he just likes to walk through the shop; the feeling of the books on his fingertips soothes him. Maybe he’ll also see Lucas there. He seems like he could be a good friend, or at least someone that Eliott could enjoy talking to. It’s better than isolating himself in his tiny apartment.

He steps into the store, still clutching the bag from the cafe. 

“Hi there, stranger. Good to see you.” Eliott looks over to the register counter and sees Lucas leaning on the glass top, a smile on his face yet again. “Oh, good. You brought me something to eat, I’m starving.” 

“Sorry, I don’t bring food to people when we aren't even on a first name basis.” Eliott smiles back at the boy and makes his way over to the crime dramas.

“Hey, wait a minute. I have something for you.” 

Eliott stops and turns back to Lucas, confused but interested. Lucas walks over to him and hands him a book.

“Sorry, I’m not buying today.”

“It’s not from the store, it’s from me.” 

“Why are you giving me a book when we are standing in a bookstore where I spend all of my extra money?”

“Because I know you won’t buy it. Plus, I never back down from a challenge.”

“Challenge?” Eliott takes the book that has been sitting in Lucas’ waiting hands. He looks at the cover. _Pride and Prejudice? Really?_

“Okay, maybe it wasn’t officially a challenge, but that’s what it feels like. I can’t let you just continue on hating romance novels. Well, really I can’t let you keep not believing in love, but we need to take this one step at a time.”

Eliott gives Lucas a small smile and shakes his head. “I appreciate it, but I’ve learned from life. I highly doubt stories will change my mind.” At this, Lucas’ face drops ever so slightly, almost as if he feels bad for Eliott, but he can’t be sure. Lucas doesn’t even know his name. He doesn’t feel anything for him. “Plus, you have no reason to be nice to me. You don’t even know what to call me. You called me ‘stranger’ not even five minutes ago.”

Lucas’ smiles once again. “I don’t have to know you to be nice to you. But fine. I’m Lucas. What’s your name?” He sticks out his hand for Eliott to shake.

“Eliott.” He sticks the book into his left hand with the cafe bag and shakes Lucas’ hand. “My name is Eliott. It’s nice to meet you Lucas, but I should go before my food gets warm.”  
  
“Warm? Isn’t it usually ‘before my food gets cold’?” 

“Well, it’s just a ham sandwich, so it’ll get warm before it gets cold again.” Eliott chuckles as the smallest blush appears on Lucas’ face.

“Okay then, but I don’t want you to come back in here until you finish that book.” 

Eliott looks at him with shock written all over his face. “Why not?? I’m in here all the time!”

“So I’ve learned. But I want you to focus all of your attention on that book. I want you to try.”  
  
Eliott looks down at the book in his hand, still weary. “Okay. Fine. You’re lucky it’s a Friday, and I have to stay at my place all weekend to work on art projects. Otherwise, I’d be back tomorrow.” Eliott chuckles and turns back to the door. As he reaches the door, he turns back to Lucas, who has now returned to the counter. “Thanks for the book.” 

Lucas smiles at him. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you Monday, Eliott.”  
  
“See you, Lucas.”

*****

“I have no idea how to feel about this book.” The door shut behind Eliott as he walks over to the counter where Lucas is standing. He looks up at him and cocks his head.

“What do you mean?”

Eliott drops the book on the counter, along with a bag of plain chips. “They fell in love! But the way they treated each other! They acted so negatively toward each other. They were in completely different classes.” 

“That’s the point, Eliott.” Lucas laughs and points at the chips. “Quick lunch?” 

“Oh,” Eliott pushes the bag to him, “They’re for you.”

“Wait, what?”

“Well, last time you asked if I had brought you food, and now that you actually know my name, I thought I would bring you something.” Eliott looks down. “I hope it’s okay. If you don’t want them then-”

“No! No, it’s great, thank you.” Lucas smiles at Eliott to reassure him. He grabs the chips and places them on the other side of the register. “So, have I convinced you that love isn’t dead?”

Eliott chuckles. “Not quite, sorry.”

“Okay, what about romance novels in general? Will you try them out?”

“Maybe, depending on who’s recommending it,” Eliott says, the smallest of blushes appearing on his cheeks. “I’m still not sure about it, though. It just doesn’t feel real.”

“Not even _Pride and Prejudice_?”

“It’s definitely better than others I’ve read before, but no. I just can’t see it happening in a real situation.”  
  


Lucas looks at Eliott, thinking. “What if I show you?”

“What?”

“What if I show you? I’ll prove to you romance is alive!” Lucas stops. “Uhm, assuming that you’re okay with that.”

Eliott looks at Lucas, confused, but then realizes what he means. “I’ve only had girlfriends, but that doesn’t mean anything.” He smiles, hoping Lucas understands.

Eliott sees a little light come into Lucas’ eyes. “Oh, okay. So? What do you say?”  
  
“So, you’re going to take me on dates? We’re dating?”  
  
“Well, fake dating. I know what I’m getting myself into. I know that you don’t believe in love. But I want you to be able to feel anything close to love in real life. I want you to understand that people can care about you. Love isn’t dead, you just have to find the right person. I understand you won’t fall in love with me, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re going to be alone in life.”

Eliott lets go of a breath he didn’t realize that he was holding. “Oh, well,” he pauses, trying to think of the best way to word his response, but he can’t come up with anything great. “That sounds nice.”

“Great!” Lucas seems completely unphased by the speech that he just gave. “So, are you purchasing today?” He grabs _Pride and Prejudice_ off the counter and places it in his backpack sitting in the corner. He opens the bag of chips and starts eating them as if he hadn’t just almost confessed his love for Eliott in the middle of this bookstore.

“I wasn’t planning on it. Unless you have a recommendation for something I could buy?” Eliott asks as he turns around and slowly walks to the mystery section. “Except for romance!” Eliott calls out across the store. “I’m going to need breaks between the romance books if you’re going to keep having me read them.”

Lucas laughs. “Sorry, I only have romance recommendations! Check out the front of that section though, I think the owner set up some new releases.”

Eliott walks over to the front of the section, but he doesn’t see anything that catches his eye. He walks back to the counter just as Lucas finishes the bag of chips. “Thanks, again, for the chips. I actually forgot to bring a snack for my break today, so that worked out.”

“No problem.”  
  
“Didn’t see anything you wanted?”  
  
“No, I need to save up the money for something that I’m really drawn to. I can’t spend my entire paycheck on books, sadly. I would like to keep my apartment.”  
  
“Well, that’s fair. Where do you work?”

“At my university. I work with one of my teachers as their assistant. I help out other art students, and I’m able to work on my projects. But I’m probably going to have to find another job soon. I just need more money than I get with an on campus job.”  
  
“Where are you wanting to work then? I mean, you could always apply here.” Lucas laughs a little.

“I would love that, but I also would spend all of my money here. I might, but there’s also this record shop up the road that’s hiring. I’m thinking I might apply there.”

“That would be cool!” Lucas sticks out his hand. “Okay, phone.”

“What?”

“Give me your phone.”

“What? Why?”

“We need to communicate if I’m going to make you believe in love again.” 

“Oh,” Eliott pulls out his phone, unlocks it, and hands it to Lucas. He types his number into the phone, goes to the messages, and sends one to himself. He gives Eliott the phone back and pulls out his own to save Eliott’s number.

“Done. I’ll let you know when it’s time for our first fake-date.”

Eliott smiles, clearly nervous. “Okay, that sounds good. I’ll see you later, Lucas.”

“Bye, Eliott.”

Eliott walks back to his apartment, surprisingly nervous for someone who doesn’t believe in love. _I know that I don’t believe in love but, wow. I don’t know why I’m scared because this doesn’t have to go anywhere. Maybe I'm nervous because there’s a chance that it could go somewhere._

*****

**Tuesday**

11:48 a.m.

**_Lucas:_ ** _Hi_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Isn’t there supposed to be a time limit_

_before you can message someone asking_

_for a date_

**_Lucas:_ ** _That’s only after the first date, but_

_I am asking you on the first date_

_right now soooo_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Ohhh,, is that how it works_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Yes of course now let me finish_

**_Eliott:_ ** _So sorry, continue_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Good so…_

**_Lucas:_ ** _7 pm. tonight. I’ll need your address._

**_Eliott:_ ** _Well, that wasn’t really asking Lucas_

**_Lucas:_ ** _okay… 7 pm. tonight. can I please_

_have your address?_

_*****_

Eliott is pacing his apartment floor, just as he has been for the past twenty minutes. _Why am I so nervous? This doesn’t mean anything! He just seems like a nice person, and he wants to spend time with me. That’s all. Nothing more. Yes, he’s taking me on a date, but it’s just a platonic date. I haven’t been on a date in years. Hopefully I don’t make everything awkward. Wait, it doesn’t matter. Just friends. It’s okay. He isn’t expecting anything out of you, Eliott, calm down. He knows what he started. Just breathe._

His phone pings with a new message.

**_Tuesday_ **

_6:54 pm_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I know I’m a little early, but I’m out_

_front whenever you’re ready_

Eliott takes another deep breath and walks out his front door. He locks the door behind him and walks down the flight of stairs to the main entrance of his building. He steps outside and immediately spots Lucas sitting in his car. Eliott briefly smiles and heads over to the car door. Lucas looks up and moves to unlock the door for Eliott. He starts the car just as Eliott shuts his door. 

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Eliott almost whispers, not realizing his voice would come out so quiet. He clears his throat and starts again. “So, do I get to know where we’re going?”

“Yes,” Lucas looks over at him as he puts the car in gear, “when we get there.” 

Eliott rolls his eyes and quietly laughs. “Of course.” 

Lucas smirks and pulls away from Eliott’s building. The drive is fairly silent, brief times of small conversations and little laughs. Eliott has no idea where they are headed. He’s hoping Lucas isn’t planning on spending money on him; he has his wallet with him, but who knows where Lucas is planning on taking them. _He didn’t say anything about dress code, so it must not be anything out of the ordinary, otherwise I’m way underdressed._

“Hey what are you thinking about over there?” Eliott realizes that he has been spacing out, and he probably missed something that Lucas was saying to him before now.

“Oh, sorry, uhm- nothing. Just thinking.”

“Yeah, I know,” Lucas laughs. “I meant more specifically. You were very lost in thought.” 

“It’s- Okay, well, I haven’t been on a date in a while, and I’m just nervous I guess. And I know that this doesn’t have to mean anything that you just want me to experience this stuff again, but I’m very prone to overthinking and I just want this to go well, and wow I’m rambling aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Lucas laughs again. “But it’s okay, I understand. I promise, I’m not expecting anything out of you. And this is going to be a very chill date.”  
  
“Chill?”

“Yes, chill. It’s just the two of us. We’re here.”

Eliott looks back out the window and sees nothing but open field.

“Did you take me out here to murder me?”

This time, Lucas laughs melodically, less of a giggle, like on the car ride here. Eliott notices this immediately. He notices the harmonies in Lucas’ voice. The different pitches it hits when he moves different ways. How it sounds when he still continues laughing slightly even though his mouth is closed. After this, Eliott notices the natural harmonies in Lucas’ speaking voice, too. Eliott wants to listen to that voice forever.

“No, Eliott. I came out here to romance you.”

It’s Eliott’s turn to laugh now. “Romance me? Is that even a word?”  
  
“I just said it so, I’m gonna go with yes.”

“Mm okay, fine.”

Lucas gets out of the car and walks around to the trunk. Eliott follows but stops when he sees Lucas put up a hand.

“No no, you stay over there.”

Eliott slightly pouts, and he can see a smile form on Lucas’ lips. Eliott wanders back over to the front of the car, leaning against the hood and staring up at the stars. He doesn’t hear Lucas come up around the side of the car.  
  


“You ready?” Eliott jumps and rolls his eyes when he sees Lucas snicker.

“Shut up. Yes, I’m ready.”

“Great, follow me.” Eliott obeys and follows Lucas through the field, noticing his arms full with blankets, a couple pillows, and snacks.

“Dude, how are you even carrying all that?”

“Now it’s your turn to shut up. I got it.”

Eliott smiles and continues to follow Lucas, getting further and further away from the one lamppost they were parked under.

“You know, the further we go, the more it looks like you’re taking me out here to kill me.”

Lucas turns back and winks at him, and Eliott is thankful that they’re in the dark so Lucas can’t see the blush forming on his cheeks. 

“Okay, here.” Lucas abruptly stops, and Eliott is barely able to react before almost slamming into Lucas, grateful he was actually able to stop in time. Lucas hands Eliott the pillows and snacks, somehow managing to not drop a single item. “Hold these.”

“Bossy,” Eliott smirks, but takes the things from him. He watches as Lucas starts laying out the blankets, crossing them over each other when necessary to avoid patches of grass.

“Pillows,” Lucas says, sticking out his hands.  
  
“Bossy!” Eliott laughs as Lucas yanks the pillows out of his hands. “Okay, okay.” He keeps laughing while Lucas continues to glare at him as he places the pillows on the blankets.

“Sit. And yes I’m being bossy. Just do it.”

Eliott flops down onto the blankets, tossing the snacks onto the edge. Lucas follows and grabs a bag of chips from the pile Eliott left. 

“Okay, so, date one. Stargazing.”

Eliott is slightly taken aback. “Stargazing?”  
  


“Yeah,” Lucas looks over at him. “Uhm, is that okay?  
  
Eliott shakes his head, as if shaking the thoughts out of his head. “Yeah, Lucas, it’s- yes. I love it. Thank you.” He smiles over at Lucas, doing his best to reassure him. _How does he know me so well already? We just met… and yet this is almost the perfect first date._

Lucas smiles and hands the bag to Eliott. “I’m glad. Here, enjoy any of the foods. I wasn’t really sure what you liked, so I just brought several options.” As Eliott takes the bag from him, Lucas leans back and lays his head on one of the pillows resting on the blankets. He looks up at the sky, putting his arms on his chest and folding his legs up, knees pointed to the sky.

Eliott looks back at Lucas and smiles.

“What?”  
  
“What what?”  
  
“Eliott, you’re staring at me!”  
  
“No, I’m not.” 

“You very clearly are.”  
  
“No idea what you’re talking about.” Eliott turns away from Lucas and focuses his attention back on the bag of chips in his hands, studying them too in-depth to be nonchalant. He hears rustling behind him, but keeps his eyes on the chips.

“Eliott.”

“Hmm.”

“Eliott, please look at me.”  
  


Eliott sighs, but turns his head to look at Lucas. His features are soft, and it makes Eliott’s chest feel warm. _What is that? Is that a normal feeling? Fuck, I don’t even know what’s normal anymore. All I know is that right now there is a beautiful boy staring at me, and I have absolutely no idea what to say to him._

“Are you okay? Is this okay? I don’t want it to be too much for you.” 

Eliott gives Lucas a small smile. “Yeah, it’s okay, more than okay. I think the reality of everything is just hitting me. I’m okay, I promise.” Eliott looks back into Lucas’ eyes, and he sees how full of softness they are. They calm him. Eliott takes a breath, and it’s shakier than he wants it to be. 

“Hey,” Lucas reaches his hands up, hesitant at first, but when Eliott doesn’t stop him, he continues. He places his hands on Eliott’s face, holding it in his hands. He uses his thumb to stroke Eliott’s cheek. “I know it’s scary, but I promise I am not expecting anything. This is just two friends hanging out. Yes, the parameters are a little different, but this is just a chill night. Okay? And if it gets to be too much then you can just let me know, and we can pack things up and head back into town.”

Eliott gives a small nod. “Okay. I like that.”

The two of them spend the rest of the evening on their backs, looking up into the sky, trying to identify constellations and making up a few of their own.

*****

“Text me when you get home. Please.” 

“I will,” Lucas promises, as Eliott slides out of the car. He shuts the door behind him, and Lucas watches Eliott’s silhouette disappear into the apartment building.

On the drive home, Lucas can’t help but reflect on the night. They spent hours out there, talking and laughing, pointing out different patterns of stars, just enjoying each other’s company. It’s almost one in the morning, and Lucas has a morning shift tomorrow, but he doesn’t care. He knows he won’t be able to fall asleep when he gets home, lost in the thought of Eliott. 

He keeps driving, remembering and thinking of where to go next with the boy to convince him that love is still alive.

  
  


**Wednesday**

1:15 a.m.

**_Lucas:_ ** _I made it home_

**_Eliott:_ ** _You remembered_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Yes, E, I try very hard to keep my_

_promises._

**_Eliott:_ ** _Yes, dear_

**_Eliott:_ ** _And when should I expect to see you again, L_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Oh, wow, already looking forward_

_to a second date, Demaury?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Shut up Lallemant_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Now I kinda regret giving you my last name_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Oh no, does this mean you’re going to stalk me_

_on social media_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Obviously_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Duh, don’t ask dumb questions E._

**_Eliott:_ ** _As I said before_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Shut up Lallemant_

**_Eliott:_ ** _And answer my question_

**_Lucas:_ ** _You’ll just have to wait and see_

Lucas laughs as the “seen” appears below his text and stays that way for the next forty-five minutes. _He could have fallen asleep… but that is not why he left it me on “seen.” It’s true though, we’ll have to wait and see. Hopefully, Eliott decides to make it sooner rather than later and visit the store tomorrow._

*****

Eliott is deciding if he wants to go to the bookstore. He already has to go into the record store to ask about applying for a job, but he doesn’t really feel like going into the bookstore today unless Lucas is going to be there. His professor gave him the day off because he knows how much work Eliott has to do by the end of the week. He has too many projects to focus on and doesn’t want to get distracted by books. But Lucas… that’s a different story. _Why is he the deciding factor? What- what does that even mean for me, for him, for… us. Eliott, stop, it doesn’t mean anything, just- send him a text._

**Wednesday**

12:39 p.m.

**_Eliott:_ ** _Hey L_

_12:46 p.m._

**_Lucas:_ ** _Sorry E, I was with a customer,_

_what’s up?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Hi, you kinda answered my question um_

**_Eliott:_ ** _I was just going to ask if you were working_

_today and if so when_

**_Eliott:_ ** _But I’ll take that as a yes and now_

**_Lucas:_ ** _yes and now_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Cool thanks_

**_Lucas:_ ** _So does that mean I’m going to_

_get to see you?_

Eliott, once again, chooses to not answer Lucas’ last message. Instead, he walks the short distance from where he was waiting for Lucas’ answer to the front door of the bookstore. The bell dings as he enters the shop, and his eyes instinctively turn to the front counter; he sees Lucas standing there looking soft as ever, but he wouldn’t dare tell him that. He gets the impression that his personality with others isn’t necessarily the same as it is with Eliott, which makes Eliott quite warm inside, although he would never admit that. 

Eliott walks over to the counter, all the while Lucas never looks up from his phone.

“Excuse me, sir, I’m looking for some book recommendations.”

“Oh, well, I highly recommend _The Notebook_ , _Jane Eyre_ , _Wuthering Heights, The Fault in Our Stars_ , and _Romeo and Juliet_ .”  
  


Eliott laughs and locks eyes with Lucas, who is trying hard not to crack a smile. However, he soon fails and starts laughing with Eliott.

“E, you need to learn how to answer your text messages.”  
  
“Excuse you, I am very good at answering my text messages, _L_ .”  
  


“Oh, really because I do believe that you have failed to answer me twice in the past twelve hours, when you were fully capable of doing so.”  
  
“How do you know I wasn’t asleep the first time?!”

  
“Were you?”

“No,” Eliott smiles, and Lucas hits his shoulder.

“Hey! Then why didn’t you answer me?”

“Because you didn’t answer my question. Why should I answer you?”  
  
“Fine. Fair enough. But you got your answer.”

“Did I really?” Eliott cocks his head and a smirk appears on Lucas’ face. 

“Obviously the next time you are going to see me is right now.”  
  


“Oh my God.” Eliott covers his face and starts walking away, chuckling to himself.

“Where are you going?”  
  
“I just- nevermind.” Eliott slowly walks back over to the counter.  
  
“So, what did you actually come in here for, E?”

“Uhh-” Eliott starts to blush, despite him wanting to remain as cool as possible. “Well, I was on my way to the record store to ask about a job and, well-”  
  
“You wanted to say hi?” Lucas interjects, another smile starting on his lips.

“Yeah,” Eliott looks down, almost whispering his response.

“E, you know that’s a thing friends do right? They come to visit friends at work. Arthur and Basile come in all the time since their class schedule and work schedule is different than mine.”

“Wait a minute, all this time and I didn’t know you went to school?”  
  
“Yeah, I take the classes I can. I’m a bio student, but I’m not really sure what I want to do. I’m thinking about being a researcher. But, I also need to be able to keep my apartment, like you, so I work as much as I can, and I go to night classes whenever they are offered. Some are even just longer and only once a week.”

“Oh, wow. I’m impressed. You definitely don’t seem like someone who is trying to juggle being a full-time student and having pretty much a full-time job.”

“Well, thanks,” Lucas laughs and shrugs his shoulders. “I do what I need to. I live with Mika and Arthur, but I still have to make sure I’m able to pay my portion, along with keeping my student debt as low as possible.” 

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I live with Sofiane and Alexia, but it can still be hard sometimes. I spend too much on art supplies,” he gestures around the store, “and books.” Eliott laughs and Lucas smiles with him.

“Are you going to keep your job at the university? Since you’re wanting to work at the record store.”  
  
“I hope to. My hours will definitely need to be cut, but I like working with the freshman art students.” Eliott smiles at the thought of it. Getting to help the students work on their projects, seeing their faces when they finally finish a piece that they have spent hours upon hours on.

He looks up to see Lucas looking at him, gently. “What?”

  
“Nothing,” Lucas turns away, grabbing some books to put on the shelves. “You just looked really happy talking about the students.” He walks away from Eliott and moves to the romance novels, putting away several titles, including the ones he rattled off earlier to Eliott.

“Yeah, it just doesn’t quite pay enough.”

“Understandable.”

“Listen, um, I gotta go. I got the day off, but only to work on some projects that are due by the end of the week. I’ll hear from you soon?” Eliott is really hoping that the answer is yes. He doesn’t necessarily want Lucas to know this, but he has a feeling that his voice has given that away already.

“I look forward to talking to you Mr. Demaury.”

Eliott huffs out a gentle laugh. “See you, Mr. Lallemant.” He turns and walks out the door, not wanting to look back because he could already feel Lucas’ eyes lasering into the back of his head. _Just focus on talking to the owner of that record store. This is a good job opportunity. A way for you to get more experience on your resume. Not to mention the money bonus._

**Wednesday**

1:02 p.m.

**_Lucas:_ ** _You got this, E_

**_Lucas:_ ** _They would be ridiculous not to hire you_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Good luck_

**_Eliott_ ** _: Thanks, L_

*****

“I got the job!” Eliott yells as he walks into his apartment, assuming that one of his roommates would be home.

“Job?” he hears Alexia call from the back of the hallway. He tosses his keys on the table by the door and walks down the hall, following the light coming from her room.

“Yeah,” he stops in her doorway, watching as she combs through her closet. “I stopped at that record store on the way home, the one that’s hiring, just down from the cafe and the bookstore.”

“Oh, yes, the one on the way back from the university. You talk about it a lot. Along with that bookstore.” She disappears into the closet, and he walks in and sits on her bed.

“Yes. Well. I got the job. They said I could start right away. I’ll have to talk to my professor about changing my hours, but this will be good for the money.”  
  
“Don’t overdo yourself, Eli.” She walks back out holding a long black dress. “What do you think?” 

“I won’t Alex, don’t worry. And what is the dress for?”

“I have a date.” 

“Since when?” Eliott sounds offended. Usually Alex would tell him these kinds of things.

“Eli, you aren’t answering my question.”  
  
“And you aren’t answering mine!”

“It’s not someone you would know. We met recently. We are going out to dinner. Dress?”

“Dinner? Not if you’re going to do walking, it’s still warm out. Plus, I really like that maroon dress on you, and I think they would like it, too.”

“See, Eli, this is why I ask you!” She runs back to her clothes, digging once more. “Like I said though, please don’t overexert yourself. I don’t want things to get overwhelming.” 

“I won’t. And if it does I promise I will ask for help.”

  
Alex turns back to him, maroon dress now in hand. “You know, Eli, you aren’t very good at that.”

“No, but I know that you’ll do everything you can to make sure I’m doing okay. You’re supportive. So is Sofiane. I’ll handle this.”

Alex smiles. “Okay, but I swear, Eli, the moment it gets to be too much you need to stop it. You know we can always help with the money.”

  
“I know. Thank you. And yes, that is the dress. Do I get to meet this person?”  
  
“You probably won’t get to; you’ll be at work.”

“Oh, no, my professor gave me the day off. He knows I have lots of projects due, so he’s giving me some time to work on them.”

“Well, then yes, you will probably meet her. She’ll be here around 6. Don’t embarrass me.”  
  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Eliott winks.

“Yeah, right, sure,” Alex laughs. “Now, get out I have to get ready.” 

“Alex, babe, it’s barely 2. You have four hours.”

“Yeah, but you also have projects.”

“Right, sure. You’re not facetiming her at all?”  
  


“Goodbye, Eli!” Alex pushes him out of her room and shuts the door as he laughs. He walks back down the hall, not seeing Sofiane anywhere. _He might have stayed late to study. I wonder what Lucas is doing… No, Eliott, stop. It doesn’t matter, Lucas isn’t thinking about you. Just go focus on your projects. You have a lot to get done by the end of the week. Don’t get distracted. Don’t._

*****

**Wednesday**

5:36 p.m.

**_Lucas:_ ** _Eliooootttt_

**_Lucas:_ ** _E_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I am so bored in class pleaseeee_

_answer meeeee_

_5:40 p.m._

**_Eliott:_ ** _Lucas, focus on your class_

**_Lucas:_ ** _ELIOTTTTT_

**_Lucas:_ ** _hi_

**_Eliott:_ ** _L, that is not focusing_

**_Lucas:_ ** _But this professor is lecturing over_

_stuff I have already read_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I can’t focus_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I’m thinking about you_

**_Eliott:_ ** _uhm- well, wait why_

**_Lucas:_ ** _E, remember, we are “dating” and_

_most people think of the people they_

_are dating quite often_

**_Lucas:_ ** _So I’m thinking of you_

**_Eliott:_ ** _oh_

**_Eliott:_ ** _That makes sense_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I’m sorry if that was over a line at_

_all. But it is true, I’m thinking_

_about our date from last night_

**_Eliott:_ ** _I think about it a lot too_

**_Eliott:_ ** _But you should be focusing on your lecture, it_

_could be very important_

**_Lucas:_ ** _okay okay, I’ll pay attention to the_

_last few minutes_

**_Lucas:_ ** _talk to you later_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Thank you_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Bye L_

Eliott looks up, still completely baffled that someone would be thinking of him. The closest he has to love other than familial love is Alexia and Sofiane. But even then sometimes he is taken aback by how much they care. This is someone who doesn’t even really know him, yet for some reason he seems to genuinely care about Eliott. 

His train of thought is broken by a knock at the door.

“Eliott, don’t you dare answer that!”

“Yes, ma’am.”  
  
“Oh, shut it. It’s Daphne.”

“Ohh, Daphne. Is that her name?”  
  
“Obviously!” Alex comes running down the hallway, slipping the second Converse shoe onto her foot. 

“You look great.”

“Thanks,” Alex lets out a breath and nods at Eliott, who returns the nod, still sitting on the couch.

Alex opens the door to reveal a blonde in a pink long-sleeve with black pants and boots. “Hi,” the girl smiles, not even giving Eliott a second glance.

“Hi, come on in, I just need to grab my bag.”

Daphne steps in and Alex shuts the door before rushing off to grab her bag.

This is when Eliott stands up to introduce himself. “Hi, I’m Eliott, one of Alexia’s roommates.” 

“Hi, I’m Daphne.” She smiles as she takes Eliott’s hand. _She seems nice._

“Eli, no!”  
  
“I’m not doing anything! All I said was hi!” 

Alexia appears back in the living area, bag over her shoulder. “Right, well, still. Can’t be too careful.” She looks back to Daphne. “Ready?” When she speaks to her, her voice is much more gentle. 

“Whenever you are.”

“Bye Eli!” Alex tries rushing out with Daphne.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Eliott manages to get out before the door slams behind them. He laughs when suddenly his phone is ringing from where he left it on the table. He walks over and looks at the name that comes up, not even bothering to hide his smile when he reads Lucas’ name.

“Hello?”

_“E! You answered!”_

“Well why do you sound so surprised?”  
  


_“I’m not sure, but, anyway, not why I called. Did you finish your projects?”_

“Uhm-” Eliott walks into his room and takes a glance at the mess that has consumed his desk. “Yeah, probably all I’m going to get done for tonight, at least for the next few hours at least. Why?”

_“Awesome, what apartment are you in?”_

“L, why are you asking me that?”

_“That is not answering my question, E.”_

“Fine. I’m in 3-B. Now, why do you ask?”

Before Lucas answers there is a knock on his door.

“Lucas, you better not be at my door.”

Another knock instead of a response. He walks back through the apartment to the door, opening it to reveal Lucas standing just outside.

“Surprise,” he says, and it echoes from the phone Eliott is still holding in his hand.

Eliott hangs up the phone and continues staring at Lucas, still standing in the doorway.

“So, can I come in?”  
  
“How did you even get here so quickly? I had barely told you which apartment I was in before you were knocking on my door.”

“I just picked a random floor and then called you on my way up. I guess I just got lucky. Now, can I come in?”

Eliott moves out of the way and gestures for Lucas to come in, and Lucas follows his hand and walks into the living area. He makes his way over to the couch and sits down.

“By all means, make yourself at home.” Eliott rolls his eyes, but laughs to himself, shutting the door before doing the same as Lucas and sitting next to him on the couch.

“So?”  
  
“So, what?” 

  
“L, what are you doing here? You just showed up out of nowhere.”

“Well, I asked first before I knocked on your door!”  
  
“No, you did not.”

“I asked if you had finished your projects, and you said yes. So I took that as a ‘ _Yes Lucas please come over. I would love to have your company.’_ And I’m pretty sure I translated that accurately.”

“If you say so. Did you eat before you got here?”

“No, I came straight from class.”

“Wow, you were putting a lot of faith in the hope that I would still be here.”

  
“E, you said you would be working on projects; I was highly doubting that you would leave, and I was right. So where are those roommates of yours?”  
  
“They aren’t here at the moment,” Eliott says as he stands and makes his way to the kitchen. “I can make sandwiches. Want one?”

“Oh, so you can cook along with being artistic?”

“That’s why I said sandwiches.” Eliott smiles, thinking about the last time he cooked a real meal. “I am not a chef, at all. Do you want one?” 

“Yeah, sure. So, the roommates are just never here?”

“No, usually they are. We’re good friends.” He moves around the kitchen, gathering the different pieces of the sandwiches and moving them to the counter. “Alex is on a date with a girl she met a little bit ago. And I’m betting Sofiane is at the library. He’s studying hard, trying to graduate early, if possible.” He continues making their food. “I’m really lucky to have them. They’re probably the closest thing I have to love. I’m definitely still afraid I’ll become too much, and they’ll leave. But so far,” he licks the mustard off his finger and starts putting the condiments back into the fridge, “they seem to be wanting to stick around. And I’m really grateful for it.”

He takes the plates over to where Lucas is sitting, who is still listening to him talk, making eye contact when able. “Anyway, there’s that. I don’t know when they’ll be back. So you may meet them, you may not.”

Lucas smiles as he takes the plate from Eliott. “I’m glad you have them. They sound great.”

“They are.”

They eat in silence, but it doesn’t feel awkward, to either one of them. It is comfortable, almost relaxing, to be able to peacefully eat without feeling the need to constantly say something. However, Lucas breaks the silence as he finishes his sandwich, a couple of bites ahead of Eliott.

“So, do I get to see these mysterious projects you’ve been working on?”

Eliott blushes slightly, not sure how to answer. “Uhm- I mean-”  
  
“Hey, I’m totally teasing. You don’t have to show me if you don’t want to. I know things like that can be personal.”

“Oh, well, thanks. Maybe a little bit later?”

“Sure.” Lucas takes the plate from Eliott and stands up. He walks over to the sink and rinses the dishes before setting them gently in the sink. He goes back over to Eliott who is still sitting in the same place on the couch, focusing a lot of his attention on his hands.

“You okay?”

Eliott’s head moves up to look at Lucas, and he responds with a smile and a nod. “Yeah, I’m okay. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself? I feel like I don’t know enough about you.”

“Oh, yeah sure.” Lucas settles himself into the couch, facing Eliott and wrapping his arms around his knees that are now pulled up to his chest. “Well, I used to live with my parents, but then when my mom got ill, I ended up having to leave. Mika took me in, and then later took Arthur in, too. He’s also the one that helped me come to terms with being gay.” Lucas smiles, clearly lost in thought, but his eyes soon return to Eliott’s ready to continue.

“I haven’t had much luck with love in terms of the unconditional love that your family is supposed to give you. But I have had luck in the love of the family you choose to create. Mika, Arthur, all the friends that I’ve had by my side for quite some time now. They are honestly a family I’ve found, not the one I was born into, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I find a lot of solitude in books. They let me escape for a little bit. I think that’s part of why I like romance novels. I like the idea of being able to find someone who loves you completely and wholeheartedly and being able to love them back. There are times where it hasn’t felt like that is something that would happen to me, but reading about it makes it feel more real, more able to happen.” He shrugs, and he repositions himself, this time sitting with his legs crossed and hands in his lap, still facing Eliott. 

“It’s been an interesting journey, but I think I’ve learned a lot throughout this time. And I’m really grateful for everyone who has continued to be by my side through everything. Okay, I’m done.” Lucas laughs and stands up to explore the little apartment he has found himself in.

“Thank you for sharing with me,” Eliott says in a small voice, smaller than he expected to come out of his mouth.

Lucas turns to him and smiles as his response. Eliott stands up and walks over to him, watching as Lucas looks over the various art and doodles scattered around the apartment. “These yours?”

“Mostly,” Eliott replies. “Sometimes Alex and Sofiane like to hang stuff up, but for the most part, they’re all mine.”

“I like them.”  
  
“Thank you. Did you-” He shifts on his feet, anxious about what he wants to say next. “Did you want to come see those projects you asked about?”

“Of course!” Lucas’ smile is big as Eliott turns around to lead him to his room.

He opens the door, and Lucas follows him in. Eliott hears a small gasp from behind him and turns to see Lucas’ mouth slightly open.

“I’m sorry about the mess.”

“No, no, that’s not-” Lucas seems to be unable to come up with the proper words. “I just- I love it. It looks… safe.” 

Eliott slightly blushes and shrugs. “Thanks. It’s not much, but… it’s mine.”

Lucas grings at him, which then turns into an expression of shock when he sees the piano sitting in the corner of Eliott’s room.

  
“Why, Mr. Demaury! You didn’t tell me you play!”

Eliott chuckles under his breath and says, “Well, Mr. Lallemant, it’s because I don’t. Not really. I can play some basic scales, but I never really took lessons or anything. It was something I wanted to pick up, but never got around to it for some reason.” 

“Do you mind if I play?”

“Not at all.” Eliott sits on his bed as Lucas walks over and sits on the bench in front of the piano. As Lucas pushes open the cover over the keys, Eliott shifts and leans against his headboard, facing Lucas’ back. 

Lucas starts playing notes with his right hand, slowly and a little unsure.

“You seem to have the same skill set I do at the piano.”  
  


Lucas turns and sticks his tongue out at Eliott. “Hush, E.” Eliott laughs and mockingly moves his fingers across his lips in a _zip_ motion.

Lucas faces the piano once again and taps out the same three notes as before, adding a fourth this time. He continues this pattern and slowly starts picking up the pace. As he adds in his left hand, the pattern slightly shifts, the melody coming forth, beautiful and vibrant. Eliott moves slowly, trying to get closer to the boy in front of him, but scared to move too quickly. He’s lost in the movement of Lucas’ fingers, which are moving quickly, but comfortable. They are no longer unsure or unsteady as they were when he first sat down. Lucas is now enveloped in the song, and he has brought Eliott with him. 

Lucas slows down slightly, and he turns around to look at Eliott, fingers still pressing the keys just as confident as a moment ago. Eliott stares back at him, wonder and awe dancing in his eyes. Lucas smiles to Eliott, who returns the smile and also gives him a small huff of astonishment. Lucas now turns back to the piano, focuses once more, and immediately goes back to the strong, fast tempo.

Eliott had no idea what he was expecting when Lucas sat down at his piano, but that was not it. _God, he is absolutely beautiful. He’s intelligent, but not just through books and facts. Emotionally intelligent. Musically intelligent. He’s full of magic, his soul is old and wise, I can feel it. At the same time, he is a breath of fresh air. It’s like he’s someone I’ve been looking for my whole life. Oh- oh fuck no. Does that mean-_

Lucas has slowed his playing, letting the song come to a steady close. He turns around and looks back at Eliott, who is still sitting forward, staring at Lucas’ figure, eyes not really sure where to settle.

Eliott snaps back to reality. “That was amazing. What song was it?”  
  


A blush suddenly forms on Lucas’ cheeks. _After all of that, that’s the part that makes him embarrassed or unsure?_

“Oh uhm-”

“ALEX! ELIOTT!”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Eliott jumps up and sticks his head around his doorway, looking toward the front door where Sofiane stands. “Hey, Sofiane. One second.”

He turns back to where Lucas is still sitting at the piano, legs facing Eliott instead of the piano.

“I’m sorry, L. Sofiane is home. I-”

“Hey, it’s okay, E. Don’t worry!” Lucas has a smile on his face, and he jumps up to walk out of Eliott’s room. Eliott puts a hand over his face, but quickly follows Lucas out of his room.

“Hey, Elio- you’re not, Eliott,” Sofiane says as he looks at Lucas, until his eyes fall on Eliott standing behind him. “Ah, okay, there you are. I picked up some food, I’ll probably have leftovers if you want them. Is Alex here?”  
  


“No, she went on a date. And, I already ate, but thanks.”

“No problem.” Sofiane turns his attention back to the stranger in his apartment. “Hi, I’m Sofiane. I didn’t realize Eliott had made any more friends,” a teasing tone settling in his voice as he reaches out to shake Lucas’ hand.

“Shut up,” Eliott says as he shakes his head and hides a smile.

“Hey,” Lucas says, taking Sofiane’s hand. “I’m Lucas, I work at the bookstore up the road that Eliott seems to find himself in a lot.”

“You two are the worst, oh my God.” Eliott walks over to the sink, placing the dishes from earlier into the currently empty dishwasher.”

“Oh, c’mon now, you love me.” Sofiane winks, and he starts walking toward his bedroom. “Nice to meet you, Lucas,” he says over his shoulder.

“You too!” Lucas turns back to look at Eliott. “Well, he seems nice.”

“He is, even if he can be a jerk sometimes.” Eliott laughs, obviously teasing Sofiane the same way Sofiane teased him a moment ago.

Eliott makes his way around the counter and stands in front of Lucas, who is now looking up at him, almost daring him to break eye contact.

He does. “Well,” Eliott says, looking just over Lucas’ shoulder at the front door. “This has been quite the evening.” He looks back up to make sure Lucas sees the heaviness of his next words. “Thank you for this. I needed it.”

Lucas smiles at this, understanding. “No problem, E.” He starts making his way toward the front door, but he stops when his hand grabs the handle. “I had a great time. And don’t be afraid to send me a message if you ever want me to come over and hang out. I know school and work can be stressful. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to sit down and talk to someone about nothing and everything. Goodnight, Eliott.”

“Goodnight, Lucas.”

  
And with that, Lucas turns and walks out of Eliott’s apartment.

_This is bad, this is so bad. I can’t have feelings for him because he can’t have feelings for me. What am I supposed to do now?_

*****

“Thank you for understanding, sir. I really appreciate it.” Eliott stands and picks up his bag.

  
“No worries, Eliott. I know how hard you’re working and how much you care for the students. You’re welcome to work whatever hours you can. Just let me know.”

“I will,” Eliott smiles and nods at his professor before walking out of his office.

He pulls his phone out once the door has closed behind him.

  
  
  
  
  


**Thursday**

8:57 a.m.

**_Eliott:_ ** _Hi, you wouldn’t happen to be working today_

_would you_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I have class in 3 minutes, but yes, I_

_will be working right after my_

_classes today_

**_Lucas:_ ** _3 pm_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Should I be expecting to see you?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Well I guess you’ll just have to wait and find_

_out sometime around 3_

Eliott smiles as he puts his phone away, heading to his last real shift of his university job.

*****

Lucas all but runs out of his class when the professor dismisses the class at a quarter until 3. _I just want to get to work on time. That’s all._

He gets to his car and makes the short drive to the bookstore, parking in the lot behind the building reserved for employees. He walks through the back door and makes his way to the front, relieving his coworker standing at the register. He stands at the counter, clocking in, and definitely not staring at the front door waiting for it to open.

Suddenly, there is a book being set down on the counter in front of him, making him jump slightly and look up at the customer now in front of him. He is met with the kindest eyes and a blinding smile.

“Well, look who decided to show up for their shift,” Eliott winks as he pulls out his wallet, ready to pay for the book.

“Hey, I just got out of class. I did my best.”

“I know, I know. I’ve been here for about twenty minutes.”

“Why have you been here for so long?” Lucas picks up the book and scans it, reading off the total to Eliott once it appears on the screen.

“Work for me ended about an hour ago, but I had to say goodbye to a lot of the students. Well, not goodbye. I just won’t be seeing them nearly as often,” he responds, handing Lucas the money.

“Oh! Did you get that job at the record store?”  
  
“Yeah, I did. They were more than willing to work with my school schedule, and they tried to keep my schedule as close to before as possible. I had to switch some things around, but it isn’t too bad. I officially start on Tuesday.” He takes the change back from Lucas, along with the book he just purchased.

  
“Congrats, E! I told you they would hire you.”

“Thanks.”

Lucas notices Eliott looking down again. _This boy doesn’t know how great he is, does he? I’ve known him for a week, and I already know… doesn’t matter. He isn’t looking for anything. But still. He is a wonderful person, and he doesn’t see that._

“Thanks for the book, too.”

“You paid for it, E.”

“I know, I was just- Nevermind.” He blushes and looks down, yet again.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?”

That makes his head lift up, looking directly at Lucas. “I have nothing to do after noon.”

“Good. I’ll text you.”

“Okay,” Eliott grins, another blush tinting his cheeks just enough for Lucas to notice. “I have to go finish up my projects. Due tomorrow. I-uh-,” he fiddles with the book in his hand. “I look forward to seeing you, Lucas.”

“I look forward to seeing you, too, Eliott.” Lucas watches as Eliott turns and walks out the door.

_How does he not see how great he is? I am getting myself into trouble, but I just can’t let someone like that - someone that wonderful - go through life not seeing it, not believing that they are good enough. Not believing that they are worthy of good things. I know… I know that this is dangerous, that I’m likely to fall for him. But I can’t sit here and do nothing._

*****

**Friday**

5:52 p.m.

**_Lucas:_ ** _I know you said you were free_

_after noon, but I just wanted to_

_make sure_

**_Lucas:_ ** _So, what are you doing now?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _I am currently in one of the art rooms getting a_

_head start on the assignment that one of my professor’s will assign next week_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Why do you ask_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I just got out of class._

**_Lucas:_ ** _Wanna do something?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _idk L, being trapped in this classroom alone_

_with nothing to do but draw and paint for_ _hours on end_

_even when I’m starting to go cross-eyed really is just the_

_epitome of a perfect friday evening_

**_Eliott:_ ** _But I guess for you_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Sure… what did you have in mind_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Well thank you for giving up your_

_perfect friday evening for me_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Movie and dinner?_

**_Lucas:_ ** _My place?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _As long as I don’t have to cook_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I’ll make Arthur do it_

**_Lucas:_ ** _No that would end bad_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I’ll just order pizza, sound good?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Sounds good to me_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Meet you outside the science building in 10_

**_Lucas:_ ** _See you then E_

*****

Lucas’ apartment is similar to Eliott’s, roughly the same size. It’s missing the unorganized drawings scattered everywhere, but those are replaced with various photographs - some framed, others in collages, some just scattered around the room, but all of them have their own place.

“Ah, Lucas! There you are! I need your help!” Arthur comes running toward Lucas as soon as he opens the door.

“Not now, Arthur, I’m busy tonight.” 

“You are not. You’re never bus- oh,” Arthur stops when Eliott walks in just behind Lucas. 

“Hi, I’m Eliott.” He gives Arthur a small wave, gently pushing the door closed behind him.

“Arthur,” he says and gives a smile as a greeting. “Now, Lucas, please, just for a minute. I need your help with this project!”

“Arthur! Can’t Mika help you?” 

“He’s not here!”

“What project?” Eliott’s voice comes from behind Lucas where he is still standing. “You can help Lucas, it’s not a big deal.”

“I invited you over to hang out, not to watch me model for Arthur. And who knows what style I have to model for this time.”  
  
“Model?”

“I’m a photography student,” Arthur interjects, and he waves his arm around to gesture at the stacks of photographs Eliott noticed when he walked in. “I have a project due Sunday night, and I want to have time to edit them.”

“No, Arthur. I’m going to call the pizza place and order some food. Then, Eliott and I are going to watch a movie. _Alone_.”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’ll wait for Mika, don’t worry.”

“I can help. If you want.”

Arthur and Lucas both look directly at Eliott, Arthur smiling and Lucas raising his eyebrows slighly.

“Eliott, don’t feel bad. Arthur can find someone. Mika loves being a model.”

“Yeah, but I’m here now. I’m not a model, but I can try.”

“Eliott, you are my new best friend.”

“Hey!” Lucas hits Arthur’s shoulder.  
  
“Don’t ‘hey’ me. Eliott, here, wants to be my model. _Willingly_.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m sorry, L. I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”

“No, no,” Lucas smiles at him. “I’m just teasing him. Don’t worry. I’ll go get the pizza directly from the shop, and Arthur,” he turns to his best friend, “will hopefully be done by the time I get back. So we can enjoy our dinner and movie. Right Arthur?”

“Yes! Right! I already have it all set up, I just need to get Eliott ready!”

“I’ll be back,” Lucas walks to the door, grabbing his keys and wallet from the counter where he had set them down. “But,” he turns to look at Arthur, again, “please be nice to him, and don’t scare him away.”

  
“Wouldn’t dream of it! Bye, Lucas!”

“Bye, L.”  
  
Lucas walks out of the door, leaving Eliott standing alone with Arthur.

“Okay, everything is all set up over here.” Arthur leads Eliott over to a giant sheet covering a portion of the living room wall, the couch moved slightly out of the way but leaving room for Arthur to sit on the arm of it. “So, I’m taking a guess that you aren’t straight. Given that you came home with Lucas for a date?”

“Oh- well, I’m not sure if I would call it a date-”

“So, you are straight?”

“Definitely not.”

Arthur looks at Eliott with a slight tilt of his head, but shakes the thought away and continues on. “Well, great. That’s the theme of this project. I’m going to paint a pride flag on your cheek. Do you have a specific sexuality you identify with? I had rainbow paint thinking Lucas would be my model but…?” 

“Uhm- I’m pansexual.”

“Cool, let me run to my room. Just sit on the stool there and take off your shirt. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Eliott does what Arthur says, and when he comes back with the paints. Arthur steadily paints pink, yellow, and blue lines onto his cheek.

“Okay, I think I’m also going to paint on your neck, too. Is that cool with you?”  
  
“Yeah.”

“Thanks. This paint washes off really well, too, by the way.”

Eliott smiles in response, and he sits as still as possible as Arthur paints his neck as well. He uses his fingers, creating messier lines, but in the same order as the ones on his cheek, the pansexual flag coming together on Eliott’s skin.

“Okay, I’ll give you instructions as we go. Don’t worry this shouldn’t take too long.”

Eliott follows the instructions Arthur gives him, being careful to do the best he can. The door suddenly opens, and Lucas walks through the door, pizza in hand. He tosses his keys onto the counter but sets the pizza down gently. He turns around and stops when he sees Eliott sitting in front of Arthur’s camera, covered in pansexual pride colors.

“Well, hi,” Lucas breathes, not sure why he suddenly seems to be at a loss for words.

“Hi! Eliott is a fantastic model. I might have to use him from now on. Plus, he actually _wants_ to work with me, unlike _someone_.”

“Yeah, yeah. Wow. You look good, Eliott.”

“Thanks.” A blush quickly hits his cheeks.

“Okay, I get it. I’ve got enough photos, Eliott. You’re free to go back to your date. Or not date. Whatever this is. Thank you. There’s some towels in the bathroom, first door on the left in the hall. They’re covered in paint, you’ll know which ones to use. Just soap and water and it’ll come right out.”  
  
“Thanks. I’ll be back.”

*****

**Friday**

7:38 p.m.

**_Lucas:_ ** _Dude, you could have warned me_

**_Arthur:_ ** _What do you mean_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I walked in to find an attractive_

_guy shirtless covered in pan pride_

_colors_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Take a wild guess at what I meant_

**_Arthur:_ ** _Aren’t you supposed to be watching a movie_

_and eating dinner with said guy_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Yes, he got up to go to the bathroom._

**_Lucas:_ ** _Did you embarrass me while I was gone?_

**_Arthur:_ ** _Wouldn’t dream of it_

**_Arthur:_ ** _Also, are you on a date with this guy? He_

_didn’t seem too sure whether it was a date or not when I mentioned it_

**_Lucas:_ ** _It’s complicated_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Okay shut up, he’s back_

**_Arthur:_ ** _You texted me dude_

*****

  
  
  
  


**Saturday**

12:16 a.m.

**_Eliott:_ ** _Thank you for that_

**_Eliott:_ ** _I had a really good time_

**_Lucas:_ ** _No worries_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I had a really good time too_

**_Lucas:_ ** _And I’m sorry Arthur made you_

_model for him_

**_Eliott:_ ** _I actually didn’t mind at all_

**_Eliott:_ ** _It was kinda cool to be a model_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I’m glad you had a good time_

**_Eliott:_ ** _I really did_

**_Eliott:_ ** _And thank you again_

**_Lucas:_ ** _You’re welcome._

**_Lucas:_ ** _Goodnight, E, sleep well_

**_Eliott:_ ** _You too, L_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Goodnight_

*****

Eliott and Lucas have hung out a couple times since that Friday. The Friday that Lucas had really truly realized what he had gotten himself into. The Friday where he realized how much he had already fallen for that boy with the beautiful smile, even after only a couple weeks of knowing him. 

  
It’s now the following Friday, and they have only seen each other a couple times since the previous “date”. Eliott only stopped by the bookstore on Monday because he wants to focus on getting used to his new schedule with the record store. They met up for dinner one day at the cafe down the street. But they have been texting. All day. Every day. Lucas can’t seem to stop himself from texting Eliott, but Eliott also doesn’t seem to mind, responding almost immediately and always having a reason if it takes time.

Lucas looks down at his phone as it pings with another message.

**Friday**

12:59 p.m.

**_Eliott:_ ** _We are doing something tonight_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Well hello to you too_

**_Eliott:_ ** _What time do you get off_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I get off at four but then I have_

_class until about six_

**_Eliott:_ ** _That’s about when I finish up working with_

_the students_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Meet me outside the library at 6:15_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Well now look who is the bossy_

_one_

**_Lucas:_ ** _See you then_

*****

“Now look who’s running behind,” Lucas says when Eliott walks up to the front of the library.

“Oh, shut it Lallemant,” Eliott says, laughter in his response. “Did you drive here?”

“Yeah, it’s easier than-”

“Okay, well we’ll have to come back for your car.”

“What? Eliott what are you talking about?”

“We’re going somewhere.”  
  
“And not taking my car?”

“And not taking your car.”

“But it looks like it’s going to rain.”

“I don’t care.”

“Do I get to ask why?”

“Why I don’t care?”

“No, why we aren’t driving.”

“Sure, but you won’t get an answer.”

“E, why can’t we take my car?”

Eliott rolls his eyes. “Because we are going somewhere, and it’s close. And it’s a surprise.”

“I thought you weren’t going to give me an answer,” Lucas says. He flinches slightly, but laughs when Eliott lovingly pushes his shoulder. “Okay, fine. But can we at least put our bags in my car? I don’t feel like carrying this all over the place.”

Eliott nods and follows Lucas to his car. After putting their bags in the back Eliott starts walking. “You coming?”

Lucas laughs and slowly jogs to catch up to Eliott. Now walking side-by-side, they fall into a comfortable silence, Lucas blindly following Eliott to who-knows-where.

“Is it your turn to take me out to the middle of nowhere?” Lucas smiles and looks up at Eliott.

“Obviously,” Eliott responds with a wink.

They slowly come up to a community park/garden. It’s flourishing, but it seems to be deserted.

“How long has this been here?”  
  
“As long as I can remember,” Eliott responds, a small smile forming on his lips. “But, I rarely see people here. Nobody really seems to take advantage of it. I guess that’s a plus for me.” He turns and leads Lucas over to a bench overlooking a patch of tulips. He gently sits on the bench, and Lucas does the same.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Eliott’s voice is suddenly very serious. Lucas turns to face him. “It might be a lot, but I feel like it’s something you should know.”

“You’re never too much, E. It’s okay, you can tell me whenever you’re ready.”

There’s a small pause of silence as if Eliott is trying to gain the courage to speak again. Lucas reaches for his hand, and when Eliott doesn’t pull away, he intertwines their fingers, using his thumb to slowly stroke the back of Eliott’s hand.

Eliott takes a deep breath. “I’m bipolar, Lucas.” Eliott pulls his hand away and stands, almost pacing in front of the bench.

“Eliott,” Lucas whispers, and follows the other boy, making his way in front of him. “Calm down, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Eliott stops pacing and looks up at Lucas, whose hands are now placed gently on Eliott’s shoulders, trying to hold him still and comfort him. “I just don’t want- I thought you should know. I’m not normal. I have extreme highs and extreme lows. I don’t want you to have to deal with these things if we are going to be… friends.” The last word comes out as a whisper, and Eliott’s head falls to look at the ground. 

“Hey, look at me.” Lucas uses one hand to lift up the other’s chin. “I’m not dealing with you. And this doesn’t define you, E. It doesn’t take away from you or your personality or your soul. You’re still you. This isn’t something that you should be ashamed of.” Eliott slowly makes eye contact with Lucas. “Remember when I told you my mom got ill?” Eliott responds with a silent nod. “She was diagnosed with bipolar. I was just a kid. But I knew she was still my mother. We’ve had struggles as a family, I won’t deny that. But I also love her so much. We have a great relationship.”

Both of the boys are suddenly hit with droplets of water. The rain expected from before has started. It’s only a drizzle, and neither of them seem to care. Lucas takes a heavy breath and continues. “I promise that this doesn’t make you any less _you_. I still want to be your friend. I still want that. You aren’t a burden. You aren’t too much.”

Lucas wipes the tears that have started falling from Eliott’s eyes. He smiles and nods, trying to reassure the boy in front of him.

“I promise.” Lucas gives him a small smile.

Suddenly, Eliott’s hands are around Lucas’ face. Then their lips are pressed together. Lucas barely has any time to respond before Eliott pulls away, and Lucas is immediately upset with the loss of contact. But the fear in Eliott’s eyes snaps him back to reality.

“I’m sorry, Lucas. I- I don’t know what- Can we just please pretend that didn’t happen?”  
  
At this point, both boys are falling victim to the water coming from above that is slowly picking up its pace, and Lucas doesn’t know what just happened. “Eliott, it’s-”

“Please? I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Eliott.”

“I just- I- I don’t know what to think right now. Can we please just not talk about it?”

“Yeah, yeah, Eliott. No worries. We can walk back to the car. Do you want me to drive you home? Please let me drive you home, it’s raining.”

“That’s fine.” Eliott seems so small, and Lucas hates it. He doesn’t like this look on Eliott. He wants to shake Eliott and tell him it’s okay. That Lucas has feelings for him. But he knows that isn’t what Eliott needs right now. 

  
They walk back to the car in silence. The car ride is also quiet. When Lucas pulls up to Eliott’s building, he grabs Eliott’s wrist, gently but firm.

“Eliott. We’re good right?”

“Yeah, Lucas. We’re good.” Eliott smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes like normal. Lucas can tell something is still off, but he doesn’t want to push too much.

“Have a good night, E.”

“You, too, L.”

Lucas lets go of his wrist, and Eliott exits the car, shutting the door softly behind him. He walks up the steps and into his building, leaving Lucas feeling lost, confused, and worried about the boy he loves.

*****

It’s been a week since Eliott kissed him, yet Lucas has yet to hear from him. He has gone from confused to concerned to flat out worried about the boy who looked so fragile and small the last time he saw him.

**Saturday**

11:14 a.m.

**_Lucas:_ ** _Hi_

_3:52 p.m._

**_Lucas:_ ** _Eliott?_

  
  


**_Sunday_ **

_1:24 p.m._

**_Lucas:_ ** _Eliott please_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I promise that everything is still_

_okay_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I just want to know that you’re_

_alright_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Please, E_

  
  


**_Tuesday_ **

_6:34 p.m._

**_Lucas:_ ** _I missed you yesterday_

**_Lucas:_ ** _And today_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Please let me know you’re okay_

  
  


**_Thursday_ **

_2:15 a.m._

**_Lucas:_ ** _E, I swear I will come to your_

_apartment myself I just need_

_to know that you are okay_

**_Lucas:_ ** _I’ll be over Friday if I don’t hear_

_from you_

_2:20 a.m._

**_Eliott:_ ** _Please, Lucas_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Thank God E_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Are you okay?_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Please, don’t come over_

**_Eliott:_ ** _Just- I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I led you on or,_ _fuck, idk what_

_happened, I might have felt something, but I know we can’t be together. I_

_know you can’t feel those feelings for me. Everyone always leaves. Every_

_relationship I’ve been in. They’ve left. And I just can’t… I can’t go through_

_that again, not with someone as special as you. I’m sorry_

**_Lucas:_ ** _Eliott, please, can we just talk_

_2:46 a.m._

**_Lucas:_ ** _Eliott, I will come over there I need_

_to talk things out with you_

It is now Friday evening, and Lucas is staring at the messages he has sent to Eliott, along with the paragraph Eliott had sent in response. It pulls at his heart, making him feel so much for this boy that thinks he can’t love. _Does he not believe in love? Or does he not believe that he deserves to be loved?_ Lucas’ heart breaks again. _He does deserve love, my God does he deserve it. I love him_ . Initially, Lucas didn’t want to admit this - that he had fallen for the one person he had said he would never fall for. _I don’t even care if I get heartbroken at this point. I just need him to know that he is loved. That he is loved and he deserves to be loved. If then we can be something, something more than what we are, then that’s great. But now I just need him to know that he is worthy of love and that he is, always has been, and always will be, enough. He is enough._

Lucas locks his phone and makes his decision. He knows Eliott finishes with his students around the same time that he gets out of class, so he should be back at his apartment since Lucas stayed later to study. Lucas gets in his car and starts the drive to Eliott’s apartment, determined to show Eliott that he can be loved and that he deserves to be loved.

*****

Eliott has barely left his apartment the past few days. Alex and Sofiane keep wanting to take care of him, which he appreciates, but they just don’t understand.

“Listen. I promise this has nothing to do with an episode. It doesn’t.”

“I understand, Eli, but-”

“Alex, you’re amazing, and I love you. But this has nothing to do with my illness. It really doesn’t. Please, just… please.”

“Okay, Eli. Please, just, tell me if you need something. We are here for you. We want to help in any way we can.”

“Please, Alex. Stop. I appreciate you and Sofiane, but I swear to God that this has nothing to do with what you think it does.”

“Then talk to us.”

“Fine! I fell in love! Is that good enough for you?! I fell in love with someone who could never love me. And it fucking hurts.” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, it just kind of happened, and it took Alexia by surprise.

“Eli, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize-”

“I know you didn’t. I didn’t want anyone to know, even myself. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. But I did. I fell in love with him. And knowing that he could never love me the same way just hurts… so… much,” Eliott fights back tears as he explains. “Please, just let me be. I just need some time. I’ll be okay.”

That was Tuesday night. It’s now Friday, and Eliott doesn’t seem to feel any better than he did that day. It’s like his own mind can’t piece together his thoughts. So he’s just laying on his bed, numb and silent. He can hear talking outside, sometimes he listens, but other times he chooses to let the words go in one ear and out the other.

Lucas had filled a hole that Eliott didn’t know was there. Lucas made him feel things he hadn’t felt in any of his previous relationships, and that scared him. He didn’t know what these feelings meant, but the only word he had to describe it was love. Complete and utter love. But there was nothing he could do about it. Lucas knew how Eliott felt about love and romance. He knew how broken Eliott was. There was no way he could ever feel the same way. 

He hears a knock at the front door. _Alex can get it. Or Sofiane. They’re both home. It’s probably Daphne here for another date with Alex. I’m glad she found someone. She seems happy with her._ He rolls over on his bed, back to the door and knees pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. He tries to make out the conversation in the living area, catching sentences, but he can’t pick out who has come to their apartment.

“I don’t know that now is a good time.”  
  


“Please,” Eliott can’t make out the rest of the sentence. The visitor must still be in the doorway, too far for Eliott to be able to hear.

“He hasn’t been able to leave in a few days, Lucas. He’s heartbroken.”

_Lucas. No way. Not him._

“I just need to talk to him.” Eliott can hear footsteps coming toward his door.

“Lucas, just please. You hurt him.”

“I don’t know what I did. He kissed me. Then left. I need to talk to him.”

“Wait, what?” _Shit._ He hadn’t quite told Alex what happened that night a week ago. He felt too embarrassed to say that he had kissed someone he swore he wouldn’t fall in love with. And here he was, head over heels in love with the guy on the other side of the door. The one he had now pretty much ghosted for a week. He just couldn’t stand to face him.

“Please, Alexia. I need to talk to him.” There’s more whispering, but Eliott can’t hear, and he can’t bring himself to move from the spot he has found comfort in.

His door opens, and he’s too scared to turn around. So, he doesn’t. He faces the wall, avoiding looking at the piano that still sits at the corner of his room, the piano that brings memories flooding back to his mind.

“E,” Lucas’ voice is barely a whisper. Eliott might not have heard it had he not been listening for that voice. That sweet, kind, soft, melodic voice. “Eliott, can- just- can I sit?”

Eliott nods in response. He isn’t sure if Lucas had seen the movement, until he felt the end of his bed sink lower.

“Can you please look at me? I really need to talk to you.”

Eliott blinks back the tears that he can feel forming in his eyes. He pulls his knees tighter against his chest. His voice is hoarse when he speaks, and he’s afraid that Lucas won’t be able to understand or hear him, but he talks anyway. “Lucas, I can’t do this right now.”

“Eliott. I need you to look at me when I say this. I’m honestly going to say it anyway, but I would much rather say it looking into your eyes.”

Eliott wants to move, but he can’t. Instead, he just closes his eyes, and waits for Lucas to continue. Or leave. But after what feels like hours, Lucas finally speaks again.

“Eliott, I’m in love with you.”

Eliott’s eyes immediately snap open.

“What?” His voice betrays him, breaking with just a single word. A word that holds so much pain and so much emotion.

“I’m in love with you, E. I have been for a while now. That piece I played for you weeks ago? The title you asked about? _I Love You_ by Riopy. That’s why I got so nervous. I was scared. But over time, I just kept falling harder. I knew I shouldn’t fall for you, but I did. And when you kissed me, oh my God,” his voice had gotten even softer than it had. During his speaking, Eliott had sat up, and Lucas’ hand is now sitting on the knee of Eliott’s criss-crossed legs. “I thought _‘He feels the same. He really feels the same.’_ But then you left, and I just didn’t understand. I got so worried about you. Fuck was I worried.” Eliott can see the tears pricking at his eyes, but Lucas continues.

“I was so worried about you, but I wanted to give you space if that’s what you needed. But then you sent that message, and I just-” Lucas finally breaks eye contact, his head slipping down and looking at his lap. His hand remains on Eliott’s knee while he takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He looks up again, and Eliott wants to wipe away the tears that now streak the boy’s pink cheeks. “I couldn’t stand it. Because I realized. I realized that it’s not that you don’t believe in love. It’s that you don’t believe you are capable of loving or being loved.”

As soon as Lucas speaks these words, Eliott breaks down. He starts crying right there, not even caring that Lucas was there, professing his love. And Lucas doesn’t seem to care that he interrupted either because he immediately wraps Eliott in his arms and holds him. He runs his fingers through his hair and calmly strokes his back, keeping his own tears silent and smooth, unable to hold them back.

“I’m so so sorry, Lucas, I-”  
  
“Eliott. Shhh,” Lucas’ voice cuts through Eliott’s, trying to get him to stay calm. “You do deserve love, darling. You deserve all of the love. And you can love so much. You love more than anyone I know.”

“I’m broken, L.”

“Hush, you are not broken.” Lucas is still holding Eliott, still stroking his back and hair, trying to soothe him as best he can. “You are not broken at all. You are not a burden on anyone. You are worthy of loving and worthy of being loved. And you are loved. Not just by me, but by those people out there in the apartment. By other friends and family. Sweetheart, you are so loved. I am more than willing to let you love me. Please, let me love you right back.”

Eliott nods, afraid his words will betray him.

“Yeah? Eliott was that a nod?”

Eliott nods again, this time a smile breaking through his tears. 

*****

The two of them somehow end up laying on Eliott’s bed, and Lucas is fast asleep. Eliott, on the other hand, hasn’t quite stopped thinking about the recent events of the evening. He smiles as he turns and looks at the boy in his arms. He knows that he has a long way to go. He knows that this isn’t something that is going to happen quickly or easily. And he is hoping that Lucas knows this, too. He wants Lucas here with him. He wants to go on this journey with him. He knows this is going to take work and patience, but he is willing to do it. For Lucas. And for himself. It’s a long journey, but Eliott is learning that he can love, and he can love well. He can also be loved. He is allowed to be loved. He deserves love. 

  
  
  
  
  
_You_ . _You deserve love._

**Author's Note:**

> I am terrible at formatting and tagging, but I appreciate you taking the time to read!  
> *  
> thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
